This is what can result when I talk to the right people in the lab.
J: how was lunch today?
Me: it was great. We had a very enlightening conversation about freezers.
J: How enlightening was it? On a scale of 1 to 7?
Me: about a 4. Brian and I are both thinking about buying chest freezers.
Me: We didn’t get that far. That’s why it was only a 4.
J: They don’t cost very much money. You can get them for a buck eighty- uh, a hundred and eighty dollars at Sam’s Club.
Me: Yeah, I’m going to do some shopping around
J: Of course, you can get them for free on KSL. They have their whole free section. There was one for free on there a little while ago. But it didn’t work.
Me: Yeah, I’m willing to pay for the quality that I want.
J: Sam’s Club. One eighty. Just little things. They would work for you. You’re not a big person, so you wouldn’t need a big freezer.
Me: Uh, so you pair people up with freezers according to size?
J: Yeash. Freezers and fridges. And closet space, but for a different reason.
Me: Why is that?
J: Well, fridges is because of consumption. But closet space is because of sheer cubic volume of fabric.
Me: Okay, so you’re not assuming that larger people have more clothing.
J: Nope, it’s just the volume of the individual articles.
Me: Like if all your clothes were like your fat pants.
J: (gets a dreamy look on his face) yeah. Like my fat pants. I love those things. I feel so swift in them.
J: I can take twelve steps in them without touching the fabric. I feel so fast.
Me: Uh, right
J: I should wear them again. You don’t think they’re actually a skort, do you?
J: I’d be concerned if I was wearing skort. Emily wears them sometimes.
Me: Um, I’m not an expert, but I’m picturing your fat pants just like fat . . . pants. Like oversized. Not like a skort.
J: Okay, good. I’m not very fashion savvy sometimes.
Me: I can picture you wearing oversized pants. I have a really hard time visualizing you wearing a skort.
J: Yes. Please do not visualize me wearing a skort.
Me: (laughing while I pick up my binder)
J: Are you going to write that down? It might be important.
Me: “Do not visualize J wearing a skort?”
J: And underline it. Twice.
Me: Yeah, I think we’ll both be happier if I don’t visualize you in a skort.
Josh: Yes. Underline it. Twice.