Entertainment of the day

This is what can result when I talk to the right people in the lab.

J: how was lunch today?

Me: it was great. We had a very enlightening conversation about freezers.

J: How enlightening was it? On a scale of 1 to 7?

Me: about a 4. Brian and I are both thinking about buying chest freezers.

J: Frost-free?

Me: We didn’t get that far. That’s why it was only a 4.

J: They don’t cost very much money. You can get them for a buck eighty- uh, a hundred and eighty dollars at Sam’s Club.

Me: Yeah, I’m going to do some shopping around

J: Of course, you can get them for free on KSL. They have their whole free section. There was one for free on there a little while ago. But it didn’t work.

Me: Yeah, I’m willing to pay for the quality that I want.

J: Sam’s Club. One eighty. Just little things. They would work for you. You’re not a big person, so you wouldn’t need a big freezer.

Me: Uh, so you pair people up with freezers according to size?

J: Yeash. Freezers and fridges. And closet space, but for a different reason.

Me: Why is that?

J: Well, fridges is because of consumption. But closet space is because of sheer cubic volume of fabric.

Me: Okay, so you’re not assuming that larger people have more clothing.

J: Nope, it’s just the volume of the individual articles.

Me: Like if all your clothes were like your fat pants.

J: (gets a dreamy look on his face) yeah. Like my fat pants. I love those things. I feel so swift in them.

Me: What?

J: I can take twelve steps in them without touching the fabric. I feel so fast.

Me: Uh, right

J: I should wear them again. You don’t think they’re actually a skort, do you?

Me: What?

J: I’d be concerned if I was wearing skort. Emily wears them sometimes.

Me: Um, I’m not an expert, but I’m picturing your fat pants just like fat . . . pants. Like oversized. Not like a skort.

J: Okay, good. I’m not very fashion savvy sometimes.

Me: I can picture you wearing oversized pants. I have a really hard time visualizing you wearing a skort.

J: Yes. Please do not visualize me wearing a skort.

Me: (laughing while I pick up my binder)

J: Are you going to write that down? It might be important.

Me: “Do not visualize J wearing a skort?”

J: And underline it. Twice.

Me: Yeah, I think we’ll both be happier if I don’t visualize you in a skort.

Josh: Yes. Underline it. Twice.