I realized something recently. I've been in something of a survival mode lately. Some burnout has hit me, and I think it's time to slow down a little. I'm sure Charles, the chief man in my life right now (okay, okay, the only man in my life- okay, fine, my boyfriend), would laugh if he heard me say that, because he thinks I don't know how to slow down unless forcibly made to. And there may be some truth to that. All this last week when we were Skyping at night, I had a large embroidery hoop in my hands with a baby blanket on it that I was working on. Amazingly, it was completed in time for the baby shower yesterday. And I get restless if there's an evening with nothing planned and before you know it, I've filled it up with projects. There's always sewing projects to work on or, this time of year, yardwork to do, or meals to prepare for the nights when I'm gone until 10 PM. I do kind of want to slow down. The problem is finding that happy medium between keeping myself so busy that some days I am exhausted and being so relaxed that none of the things I need to do get done. And how do I define things that I NEED to do? See my conundrum?
I think part of it is an intense internal drive to create. It doesn't necessarily matter what I'm creating or how- creating a garden by planting seed in my indoor nursery, or digging up grass so there's more room for flowers, or even putting in hanging pots. Creating clothes, blankets, and other projects by browsing through a fabric store, running my fingers over silks, cottons, polyesters, suedes, seersucker- finding patterns that interest and excite me, or being really creative and a little crazy and creating my own. Creating beautiful (hopefully) music either on my own, in voice lessons, or with the choir. Creating a healthy body for myself by swimming, jogging, biking, and weight training (yes, triathlons have completely rewritten my exercise regimen). Creating beautiful spaces inside by arranging furniture, pictures, and knicknacks. Creating beautiful memories on hikes, bike rides, and campouts. How do I slow down without losing precious experiences and memories? It truly is a puzzle. I'm working on meditating more and such, and if I keep it up long enough, some of what I'm doing will stick. And that will be fantastic.
